"Hanging in there"

Many people have asked how I am doing. Invariably, I answer, "hanging in there". Unfortunately, this is the best I could describe it... And unfortunately I tend to be "hanging in there" only when I'm on the phone or surrounded by people.

When I'm by myself, I do things that are not conducive to "hanging in there". For example, I'll call Chrys' cell phone to hear his voice in the outgoing message - then I'll break down and cry. Or I'll pick up his journal and read a passage - then break down and cry. Or, this morning, I did something not-so-bright -- I downloaded a depressing song from iTunes ("Goodbye my Lover" by James Blunt) and played it on repeat loop until I was so exhausted from crying that I decided it would be a good idea to take a break (and take a couple Ativan -- prescription, of course)...

Now I'm in a medically induced numb state and can get some more work done on Chrys' website.

Anyhoo, the whole point of this post is to let you know that this will probably be my only depressing passage about the grief that I'm going through. Future depressing posts about my grieving process will be limited to my personal blog at stephenyarbrough.com. I will try to use this section on ChrysWurmser.com to post Chrys-specific and hopefully happier thoughts...