Roses from Chrys

I miss Chrys more every day. And he doesn't make it any easier on me... Today he sent me flowers...

About 6 months ago, Chrys went to a business meeting in Portland. He arrived so late at the hotel that the only room available was set up for a romantic getaway... The floor and bed of the hotel was covered with rose petals and there was a bottle of champagne "chilling" in a stainless steel bucket filled with melted ice (i.e. luke warm water)...

Chrys called the front desk to ask if he got the correct room, and they apologized for the rose petals, but if he wanted, he should feel free to help himself to the champagne. It was late and Chrys was slightly stressed about the meeting the next morning, so he decided to have a glass of bubbly to help him get to sleep. Unfortunately, the cork easily popped off the warm champagne, and 1/3 of the bottle sprayed all over the bed and floor. Chrys spent the next 1/2 hour cleaning up wet rose petals before he could get to sleep...

I remember him telling me this story as it was happening, and we both had a good laugh... But what Chrys didn't mention was that he saved some of the non-soaked rose petals and snuck them into a side pocket of one of my suit cases. Today I was packing for my trip to New York (for his second memorial service) and I discovered the petals in a pocket along with a note... "Rose petals from Oregon, Love XXXOOO Chrys"

Wurm and the Whales

For those who don't know, Chrys has been cremated and most of his ashes will be spread in Hawaii and China (his 2 favorite travel destinations). We are also keeping some ashes with us in one small and one enormous bronze humpback whale sculpture/urn. The burgundy box contains the ashes to be spread, the small whales will be kept by Andy & Vicky, and the Super-sized Whale will be kept with me.

It was a long, and rather funny process of shopping for an urn. Vicki and I would often make comments about how Chrys was laughing at us as we were shopping for the perfect urn. We had discovered the mini-whale "memento-urn" at the mortuary where Chrys was to be cremated. However, it was no longer in production, so we had to shop online for another urn for myself. After visiting 40+ urn websites and looking at every urn on the market, I had determined that the target market for urns was not exactly 30-something non-religious gay men in San Francisco.

I did keep coming back to the site with the giant whale. It's actually an original bronze sculpture converted into an urn. I called the website because I was certain that the dimensions were wrong - could they be advertising the shipping size with box and packaging? (13" high and 19" wide). But indeed, it really was a giant whale urn.

Whenever we were in Hawaii, Chrys and I would go into those marine life art stores where you could buy humpback whale sculpture coffee tables and 6 foot tall leaping dolphin statues. Chrys would always have a glee in his eye when he saw this type of (ahem, tacky) art work. I'd always agree, yes it's quite a piece of work, but that's not going to match the style of our future living room, so we'll have to pass for now...

Well, after a week of shopping for a tasteful urn, I realized that Chrys would be most thrilled with the choice of the giant humpback whale urn (I could almost hear his giggle laugh “Yay!” as I purchased the urn online. And if it makes Chrys happy, then it certainly makes me happy. Now I can’t stop admiring my new piece of marine life artwork!

I love you baby. I miss you.

"Hanging in there"

Many people have asked how I am doing. Invariably, I answer, "hanging in there". Unfortunately, this is the best I could describe it... And unfortunately I tend to be "hanging in there" only when I'm on the phone or surrounded by people.

When I'm by myself, I do things that are not conducive to "hanging in there". For example, I'll call Chrys' cell phone to hear his voice in the outgoing message - then I'll break down and cry. Or I'll pick up his journal and read a passage - then break down and cry. Or, this morning, I did something not-so-bright -- I downloaded a depressing song from iTunes ("Goodbye my Lover" by James Blunt) and played it on repeat loop until I was so exhausted from crying that I decided it would be a good idea to take a break (and take a couple Ativan -- prescription, of course)...

Now I'm in a medically induced numb state and can get some more work done on Chrys' website.

Anyhoo, the whole point of this post is to let you know that this will probably be my only depressing passage about the grief that I'm going through. Future depressing posts about my grieving process will be limited to my personal blog at stephenyarbrough.com. I will try to use this section on ChrysWurmser.com to post Chrys-specific and hopefully happier thoughts...

Memorial Slide Show Video

Attached is the slide show video that was shown at Chrys' memorial service.

Obituary for Chrys Wurmser

Attached is a copy of the Obituary for Chrys as it appeared in the San Francisco Chronicle (and SFGate.com).


Chrystian Alden Wurmser

Died of leukemia on Feb. 3 surrounded by friends and family. He was 34.

Born in Connecticut and raised in Massachusetts, he attended Princeton University graduating magna cum laude with the class of 1992. An investment banker at JP Morgan for 11 years, Chrys worked in NYC before moving to SF in 1997.

Blessed with a brilliant mind, a quick sense of humor and a kind and generous soul, Chrys was a gentle and profoundly compassionate person who was devoted to those he loved. Affable, genuine and altruistic he was eager to lend a hand to anyone and was loved by all who knew or met him. Rarely speaking a negative word, he saw the good in every person.

Chrys was a passionate football fan, an avid bridge player, and a formidable foosball player. At home Chrys loved The Simpsons, sci-fi and fantasy films, a game of trivia or quarters and a cold beer. He traveled extensively to Hawaii and Hong Kong and deeply loved both places.

He is survived by his partner of four years, Stephen Yarbrough; brother, Andrew Wurmser; brother, Jonathan Wurmser; parents, Nancy and John Wurmser; goddaughter, Samantha Gove; miniature schnauzers, Alex and Dory; and a close circle of friends and colleagues. He will be sorely missed.

A Memorial Service is scheduled for 3 pm, Sat., Feb. 18 at the W Hotel in SF.

In lieu of flowers, a scholarship endowment in Chrys' name has been set up at Princeton University. Donations can be sent to: Princeton University, Gift Records, Chrystian Wurmser '92 Scholarship Fund, P.O. Box 5357, Princeton, NJ 08543-5357. For donations by phone call 1-800-258-5421 and mention Chrystian Wurmser '92 Scholarship Fund.

Published in the San Francisco Chronicle on 2/12/2006.