Not enough Wurm

Chrys may have been gone from the Hong Kongs 7s rugby tournament this year, but he certainly was not forgotten...

Click on the picture for a larger image.

Thanks to Jon Gove for getting this on the board!

Hong Kong Memories...

It did not take long after I got off the plane in Hong Kong before I was hit with memories of Chrys and our first trip here together... One memory that made me giggle immediately were the fire exit signs...

Last time Chrys and I were here, we commented on how the sign appeared unusual... We then went into a typical Chrys & Stephen discussion where we tried to find more and more ridiculous explanations for what we saw.

Wurm won this round... He was certain that the sign was telling people which way to run in order to escape a fire breathing dragon that is chasing you (notice that the flames are shooting directly toward the runner).

Thank you Hong Kong Airport for your adorable fire exit signs - it was nice to have a silly, cute memory of Chrys right as I got off the plane...

Don't worry - I'm not grieving alone...

I bought Chrys a cute red Gap hooded sweatshirt last Christmas. He loved it so much (and it looked so cute on him) that he would wear it almost every single evening after he got home from work. I think I've hugged him more times while he was wearing that sweatshirt than any other article of clothing (though the red Pleon Yacht Club T-Shirt(s) were a close second). And, it was the last thing Chrys was wearing when we went to the emergency room the week before he died.

He wore that sweatshirt so much, that when I found a teddy bear wearing the a similar hooded sweatshirt about 9 months ago, I absolutely had to get it for Chrys. Nothing was more adorable than Chrys hugging a teddy bear wearing a matching sweatshirt.

While Chrys was in the hospital, we had to limit visitors and physical contact, as the chemotherapy weakened his immune system. So instead, I brought the sweatshirt adorned teddy bear as a "surrogate Wurmie" for people to hug in the waiting room... And since Chrys's death (50 days ago today), I've cried while holding that teddy bear on almost a daily basis...

But a few days ago, I was longing for Chrys's hug so much that the tiny teddy bear wasn't cutting it... I then decided to put Chrys's sweatshirt on our Giant Tinky-Winky stuffed Teletubbie and hug that instead... That hug opened the floodgate to the hardest cry I've had since Chrys died.

My grief counselor warned me that I'd still have waves of crying so hard that I won't be able to catch my breath; and she was mostly correct... Hugging the Giant Tinky-Winky in Chrys's sweatshirt felt so much like hugging Chrys that I could only stop crying when I was coughing and gagging and nearly puking (I'm learning that grief not as pretty as it is in the movies)...

I'm sure my neighbors across the street think I'm a freak as they have seen me crying while standing and hugging Tinky-Winky a number of times over the past few days... (but then again, they might think that a stuffed-doll is an improvement, as I've been doing the same thing with a box (of Chrys's ashes) for the last few weeks...

I know that this must sound very sad -- and it is. But, according to my grief counselor, this is healthy, healing behavior - and it does feel pretty therapeutic after I finish crying... It's "good grief", so to speak...

But don't worry, I'm not going through this all alone... The first day that I put the Sweatshirt on Tinky Winky, I laid in bed most morning crying into Chrys's sweatshirt... After about an hour, I looked to the foot of the bed and discovered Alex was doing almost the same thing with the smaller teddy bear...

Thank goodness for our dogs Alex & Dory -- I don't think I could make it through this without them...

I miss my baby so much.

Wurmie Mementos

When I return from Hong Kong, I will start packing up some of Chrys' stuff for storage (in order to make room for Adriana who will be staying in my place for an extended period of time).

If you have a special memory or story related to a tchotchke on on one of Chrys's shelves and would like to keep it as a memento of Wurm (for example, a stuffed duck with beads, or frog paddle used in a tribal dance in Indonesia, a particular 80's CD, a plastic monkey to hook onto a cocktail, a bridge book, or, heck, a giant coffee table), please let me know (and provide an address where I can ship the item(s))...

Request as many items as you want. You can make general requests (such as "one of the jade trinkets from Hong Kong") or specific requests (a Princeton reunion drinking cup). But note, I'll only be giving away an item if it has little significance to me and special significance for you. (Sorry Matt, Chrys' flat screen TV has special significance to me, is not a "tchotchke" and really doesn't qualify as a "memento"). Please don't be upset if you don't get exactly what you requested -- lots of Wurm's most quirky stuff has grown on me over the years, so I may have an attachment to the item you are requesting...

Don't worry, most items not "claimed" will be packed up and stored (or will remain on my shelves) -- I won't be throwing away anything for a long, long, long time... so even if you remember something a year from now, I can probably still fish it out of storage for you...

I miss My Baby.

A little taste of Wurm

I was missing Chrys a lot today... Started going through some videos just to hear his laugh, but instead found these two cute clips that I though I'd share... Click below or right click to save the file onto your harddrive -- it's only 18 seconds long, so the file shouldn't be too big to download -- unless you are using dial-up -- if so, it's really time to upgrade to cable modem :)

(click here for video, or right click and save to your harddrive)

Strange things set me off...

When Chrys was in the hospital, I commented to my friends how strange things would set me off crying -- like when I cooked a box of Mac & Cheese and I started crying because I couldn't remember the last time I ate Mac & Cheese by myself (Chrys and I would always split the box)...

Well today the wierd thing that set me off was a story on the news that made think of Chrys... Reprinted here without permission from BBC:

'Creative plumbing' delivers beer

A woman said she thought she was in heaven when she turned on the kitchen tap to find a plentiful supply of beer.

Haldis Gundersen was planning to do the washing up when she made the unusual discovery at her apartment in Kristiansund, west Norway.

But two flights below, workers in a bar faced the more disappointing realisation that water was flowing from their beer taps.

A worker had connected a beer barrel to the apartment water pipe by mistake.

"I turned on the tap to clean some knives and forks, and beer came out," Ms Gundersen told Reuters news agency. "We thought we were in heaven."

But the beer was flat and tasted odd, she said.

'Really creative'

Downstairs at the Big Tower Bar, workers realised what the problem was - a new barrel had been misconnected to Ms Gundersen's water supply.

"The water and beer pipes do touch each other, but you have to be really creative to connect them together," said Per Egil Myrvang from the local beer distributor. He helped employees to rectify the problem over the telephone.

Ms Gundersen bore no grudge. "If it happens again, I'm going to order Baileys," she said.

In Norway, the sale of alcohol is controlled through a state monopoly and beer prices are some of the highest in the world.

Do you have a Wurm Story to Share?

Don't be shy.

If you have a story about Wurm that you want to share, please post it under the "Memories of Wurm" section of this website. I've heard from others that it's not that hard to create new posts, but if you can't figure it out - or just don't want to deal with the technical stuff - no worries -- just e-mail me a story and I'll post it on your behalf...

No matter how long or short, how serious or silly, please feel free to share your stories-- it's helpful for me (as I love reading about My Baby) and it's helpful for others (as your stories will trigger warm, Wurm memories and might inspire others to share their stories too).

Thanks to everyone who has posted a story. Also, thanks to everyone who has reached out to me over the last few weeks, (and continue to reach out to me) ... It has been 38 difficult days since Chrys passed away (and only 49 days since he was diagnosed with Leukemia), but this website and my website have been therapeutic outlets for me.

I'd like to keep Wurm's memory alive... I hope that this website will help our friends remember all the great times we shared with Chrys. I also hope that this website will help others learn more about him (such as future recipients of his scholarship). Your stories are vital to these goals - so keep them coming...

Thanks again!

Stephen

Extra Day in Hong Kong

I've booked my flight and I'll be heading to Hong Kong at the end of the month... During the trip, Jon & Lisa will accompany me to Beijing where I will take a side trip to the Great Wall... one of the 2 final resting places planned for Chrys' cremated remains...

For those not in the know, Hong Kong & The Great Wall have special significance to Chrys and to our relationship. Chrys tried to make it to the Hong Kong 7's rugby tournament every year. It was during his vacation 4 years ago that he took a side trip to the Great Wall of China.

Chrys told me that while he was walking by himself along the Great Wall, he was reflecting on what he wanted out of life. Then it clicked... He told me that it was at that moment - on the top of a hill along the Great Wall - when he realized that he was in love with me and wanted to pursue a relationship with me. When he returned to San Francisco, he told me how he felt and I confirmed that the feelings were mutual...

A year later, we spent our first anniversary in Hong Kong -- as our anniversary was now tied to the timing of the Rugby 7's tournament. I will write about our first anniversary dinner in the "Memories of Wurm" section of this website at another time -- it was a wonderful evening filled with hilarious faux pas... Right now, I'll just say this: Chrys and I were not accustomed to bathroom attendants wearing tuxedos!

The Rugby 7s tournament begins on Friday March 31. So I originally planned to arrive in Hong Kong on Thursday the 30th. However, I remembered, due to the International Date Line, you loose a day when traveling to Hong Kong. If I planned to arrive on the 30th, I'd loose the date of March 29th -- the date of Chrys and my 4th anniversary. Needless to say, I changed my plans to arrive earlier, and will be spending an extra day in Hong Kong... March 29.

Obituary - The Bond Buyer

Attached is a copy of Chrys' obituary that appeard in an industry publication, The Bond Buyer, on February 21, 2006. (click on picture for full size image).

Goodbye My Lover...

I can't stop listening to this song.

I miss my baby.

New York Memorial Service

A few words of thanks about the New York memorial service:

Thanks to Garth for all your help in making this NY service happen. Also, thanks to Garth for your moving but funny eulogy in both San Francisco and NY. Thanks to JPMorgan for hosting the event. I had a 30 year veteran of JPMorgan tell me that in his 30 years of experience, he did not think that JPMorgan has ever had a memorial service like this for an employee - a testament to how well Chrys was loved (and an indication of what a great job he did for JPMorgan).

Thank you to everyone who came out for the NY memorial service last week. It was bitter-sweet to see the east coast crowd again, but it was nice to get to socialize with the gang at dinner after the service.

It was also a pleasure for me to meet some of Chrys' extended family. His grandmother was just as Chrys had described - a firecracker, sharp as a tack, and genuinely sweet. She made me feel welcome and told me that she was glad that Chrys had me in his life. The rest of the family was warm and welcoming -- it's too bad that Chrys didn't have a chance to get to know this side of his family better before he passed...

I want to give special thanks to Lisa and Dan & Chrislan for the hospitality and letting me stay with them during my visits to NY & NJ. Also, thanks to Ken & Marlene for taking in Andy & Vicki during our trip.

And, while I did not exactly achieve one of my goals for the trip (I wanted to eat the spicy sausage pasta dish from Lisa's favorite Italian restaurant every day I was in NY), I want to thank Lisa & Jason for encouraging me towards this goal and even convinced me to order this dish twice in one day (for lunch and again for dinner)... Yes, it's THAT good -- ask Lisa!

"Hanging in there..." Part 2

I read somewhere that the intensity of grief one feels for a lost love is exactly equal to the intensity of the love you had for the person when they were alive. I'm finding this to be extremely, painfully true. I loved Wurmie with all my heart...
In a previous post, however, I mentioned that I would try to limit this section of the website to happy thoughts about Wurmie, and that I would put depressing posts about my grieving process on my personal website at stephenyarbrough. So that is what I have done... Click at your own risk..